so basically, i made a collection of all my favorite copypastas. do whatever u want with them.

Hello! I have been following your tweets for the past two days, and have come to the conclusion that you do not deserve to have Raymond on your island. He is my comfort character and seeing him in an environment not meant for him brings me anxiety, so I will be expecting a reply to this DM when you have him in boxes and ready to relinquish him to someone who will treasure him like he deserves.

Am I glad he's frozen in there and that we're out here and that he's the sheriff and that we're frozen out here and that we're in there and I just remembered we're out here! What I wanna know is, where's the caveman?

I don't feel so good... Why are all my limbs slack? Why can't I move my eyes?! Why can't I move my mouth? Is this an internal dialogue? I can't see the end of the horizon. HATSUNE MIKU?! IS THAT YOU??

Everyone knows Mario is cool as fuck. But who knows what he's thinking? Who knows why he crushes turtles? And why do we think about him as fondly as we think of the mystical (nonexistent?) Dr Pepper? Perchance. I believe it was Kant who said "Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play." Mario exhibits experience by crushing turts all day, but he exhibits theory by stating "Lets-a go!" Keep it up, baby! When Mario leaves his place of safety to stomp a turty, he knows that he may Die. And yet, for a man who can purchase lives with money, a life becomes a mere store of value. A tax that can be paid for, much as a rich man feels any law with a fine is a price. We think of Mario as a hero,but he is simply a one percenter of a more privileged variety. The lifekind. Perchance.

What the squid did you just squidding say about me, you little octoling? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Hero Agents, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Octarian bases, and I have over 300 confirmed splats. I am trained in ninja squid warfare and I’m the top charge-shot in the entire Inkopolis armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another inky target. I will splat you the squid out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my squidding words. You think you can get away with saying that shrimp to me over the Internet? Think again, octoling. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spy Agents across Inkopolis and your inkdentifier is being ink railed right now so you better prepare for the inkstrike, Squee-G. The inkstrike that wipes out the pathetic little squirt you call your ink. You’re squidding splatted, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can splat you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare tentacles. Not only am I extensively trained in tentacle combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Ammo Knights and I will use it to its full level 20 extent to splat your miserable ink off the face of the continent, you little squid. If only you could have known what unzap-fishy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your squidding tentacles. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you squidding octoling. I will shrimp Bomb Rush fury all over you and you will splat in it. You’re squidding dead, shrimp.